My poor baby was up on and off throughout the night with a fever, so of course I was up on and off with her. I knew I'd have an OBE, so I tried to think of an intention. I decided on asking the 'angels' to come heal my baby and make her feel better. I don't believe in angels, but in the middle of the night when I'm desperate, I like to think there's a possibility.
I'm dreaming that I woke Erik up and smacked him in the face. Because I did such an odd thing, I know I'm dreaming, and I immediately sink into the electric paralysis I am so familiar with. Instantly I remember what intentions I had set for this experience, so I called out to the angels to please come and heal my baby. The images that appeared in front of me were those of alien eyes. Black eyes barely visible in the light of night. Those are my angels?! I'm outraged. I force myself awake even though I am reminded that the only way out is through.
Of course I sink back in and out of this state at least ten times before I realize I need to either delve deeper into it or turn over and risk losing the ability to go back to sleep. I decide to surrender into this awful experience. I get this erie feeling that *they* are working on our bodies while I am in this state. And I feel violated, whether or not they are helping. I want it to stop. Finally I enter a lucid dream-like reality and I am in this beautiful hot sunny scene in the sky, surrounded by clouds. I am falling. I am under the impression I have just jumped from a plane like a sky diver. So this is supposed to be fun, and I enjoy it. I watch as the earth comes closer and closer with great speed. I try to immerse myself in the sensations of what it would feel like to be a person who has just sky dived without a parachute. What does it feel like to know I will hit the ground and die? I hold onto the beauty of the gorgeous fields of grass below me because that's all I have. And smack into the earth and into instant death.
I re-enter my paralyzed body, still feeling their presence. I get the feeling they were working on our bodies while I was "gone" in the lucid dream reality, and that that's what they're always doing while I am there. It frustrates and pisses me off. I wake myself up and reluctantly turn over.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
in search of ancestors
Eden woke me up often last night/this morning so it crossed my mind I'd probably unwillingly project. I decided if it happened, I'd have a mission: to find my ancestors and get to know them.
When the vibrations come, they are so soothing I question whether this is really happening. They become stronger and stronger, and I send out the idea that I'm searching for my ancestors. Instead of floating upward, I am instantly in space with dual awareness of being in bed. The awareness in bed feels several figures standing next to the bed, who I can only assume would be the spirits of my ancestors. But I don't know them. They are strangers. I feel the mystery of it, and I feel some fear.
The awareness in space is shooting at light speed through tunnels, many different tunnels, from one to the next, each a different color and texture. Finally I am spit out into a galaxy whose stars instantly become double helixes that move in an intentional swirl toward me until they are running through me. These are facets of my family. I receive no substantial information from these double helixes.
They disappear and I am left with the stars, floating with nothing above, nothing below, just stars. Some are very large and twinkling bright. I am mesmerized. Then the entire scene spins in circles (indicating to me a change of reality). I am relieved that the vibrations are over and now I have entered a lucid dream-like space.
I am in a house. My sister and dad are here. What follows is too personal, but I will say that I facing my immediate family first seems like an appropriate way to begin this exploration into my family's heritage.
When the vibrations come, they are so soothing I question whether this is really happening. They become stronger and stronger, and I send out the idea that I'm searching for my ancestors. Instead of floating upward, I am instantly in space with dual awareness of being in bed. The awareness in bed feels several figures standing next to the bed, who I can only assume would be the spirits of my ancestors. But I don't know them. They are strangers. I feel the mystery of it, and I feel some fear.
The awareness in space is shooting at light speed through tunnels, many different tunnels, from one to the next, each a different color and texture. Finally I am spit out into a galaxy whose stars instantly become double helixes that move in an intentional swirl toward me until they are running through me. These are facets of my family. I receive no substantial information from these double helixes.
They disappear and I am left with the stars, floating with nothing above, nothing below, just stars. Some are very large and twinkling bright. I am mesmerized. Then the entire scene spins in circles (indicating to me a change of reality). I am relieved that the vibrations are over and now I have entered a lucid dream-like space.
I am in a house. My sister and dad are here. What follows is too personal, but I will say that I facing my immediate family first seems like an appropriate way to begin this exploration into my family's heritage.