I woke up at 3am just needing to think. So I lay and thought, then I got up for an hour, and crawled back in bed to nurse and fell asleep again sometime around 4:30...
I dream a little dream, and then transition into vibrations with no hesitation about whether or not I ought to leave my body. Usually at this time of morning I would be filled with fear and feel menace in the room, but not this time at this hour. I go with it at the will of the gods.
I speed up the vibrations and as always, I am profoundly overwhelmed by their power and wonder if I can survive it. But they reach their threshold and I slip away from my horizontal form, floating backwards out of the room and into another world.
It is a world of my own creation. I can tell because the edges are blurry and the colors are not vibrant. It is a planet like Earth, only the size of the moon, with only one island of land. I dive into the ocean and when I reach the surface I swim on my back with total elation. In this world I created, there are no life forms inhabiting the ocean. It is just pure, placid, bliss without worry of any strange creatures. I play around here until I ache for something more, something real.
Suddenly I am standing on the ground below a shockingly vivid nighttime sky, filled with stars of gigantic size. I know I'm not going to be able to stay still under a sky so beautiful, so I propel upward into it with a heart full of aching curiosity. I ache for this beauty. This is a reality that exists without me. I can tell because the edges are sharp and the colors are beyond vivid; the colors are beyond the richness of the colors in my day to day reality. This is otherworldly.
I'm flying upward toward these stars, still within the atmosphere of Earth. I begin flying through thin layers of grey cloud, thin like layers of a flaky pie. But it feels like I am flying through galaxies somehow, even though I am still under the earth's atmosphere. There are brilliant colors behind each layer of cloud. Turquoise and magenta just brilliant before my eyes. I am full of wonder and awe to my toes and fingertips.
At one point, just before I could pass through the earth's atmosphere, it is communicated to me that I can go no further, and without a thought or a motion of my own intent I am falling backward. It is communicated to me that I am not ready to go further, and I accept it although I am tremendously disappointed.
At an instinct, I turn to my left to view the moon. It takes my breath away and fills me with curiosity -- why is it entirely black and yet brighter than the fullest of the full moons? It feels like foreboding. Not necessarily in a negative way, but a warning, or symbol of some kind of premonition. This black, bright moon is a very loud message just for me to receive. It is telling me something will happen. But what?
So I rush back to my body. I want to remember this experience and not slip into dreams so I have to hurry before I lose consciousness. Within seconds I am within our bedroom walls and I am counting to three to move my finger and start the process of waking up. Apparently my will to wake wasn't powerful enough because a mini dream drama plays out that I can tell doesn't feel like full waking, but I have fallen under the spell that I have really awoken.
This is the mini dream drama:
I turn on the lamp (there is no lamp in our room). Erik is sprawled out in a weird way on the bed, wide awake, as though he was waiting for my return. Eden is sleeping, but there is a curious form beside her. A newborn baby. I tell Erik a quick re-cap of the OBE, and he shrugs and says, "Yeah, but it's all just a dream, right?" Something feels off. I quickly realize I haven't woken up yet, and force myself awake.
Now I know what the black, bright moon symbolized, and I understand the message and the warning, and I have a thousand mixed feelings about it.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Friday, February 3, 2012
An OBE and a lucid dream
At 2:30am Eden suddenly popped off my breast and said, "Mama, poop! Poop!" So we ran to the bathroom just in time for her to go. This doesn't happen very often, maybe once every few months, but alas it interrupted our sleep significantly enough for me to have trouble getting back to sleep, which as always, is the perfect recipe for an OBE. I finally drifted back to sleep around 5:30am.
I feel the powerful vibrations and electric surges and I relax my mind into them. I think to myself, "I'm going to FLY!" and I jolt from my body and hover immediately above Eden and Erik. I move close to Eden and kiss her on the cheek, then punch Erik in the stomach playfully trying to get his attention so he can see me above him, but of course he doesn't wake and he doesn't move. Before I know it I am being carried away on some vertical current sweeping me high in the sky, and I watch Erik and Eden on the bed with total clarity, wondering how I can see through the ceiling so damn well. I know the uncomfortable sensations will pass soon and I will have entered another realm. I allow the transition with patience. I end up on the roof of some tall house in a golden, cloudy world. There are strangers all around me. I sense that I can engage with any of them and that their purpose here is to be there for me, if I'm interested in an interaction. The rest is a blur.
I woke myself up at some point and wished I hadn't. Eden kicked me in her sleep enough to continually disturb mine, but I kept entering dreams. In one,
I am examining a bowl of food, telling it to turn into spaghetti, and then macaroni, and then something else when I realize that if I have the power to do that I am dreaming! So I fly up into the sky and remember my next lucid dreaming intention, which is to have a meaningful interaction with another being like the Green Man from one of my previous experiences. All of the sudden I am in a house full of people. I go up to the very first person I can find, a middle aged woman with shoulder length hair and I stare her straight in the eye and say, "I am DREAMING. That means we can finally have a deep connection! Talk to me and tell me everything!" She looks at me blankly and I am profoundly disappointed by the lack of emotion and sincerity. I move on to the next group of people and say something similar, also receiving a similar reaction. I try with great intensity to maintain clarity and lucidity. I feel it fading in and out. I think of how so many of my lucid dreams have been about being superior than my dream characters, and before *I* have anything to say about it my dreaming self turns the dream into a game instead of the meaningful experience *I* was hoping for (note there are dual awarenesses present -- my waking consciousness along with my monkey-like lucid dreaming personality, which I am often frustrated and disappointed by). I fly into the sky above a soccer game, taunting the people below who can't fly (as usual). A fence is created around me, making it difficult to fly high, and people are climbing it to try and grab my ankles. It's the perfect lucid dreaming challenge. I have to focus immensely to fly high, but of course in the end I win and I make it out of the fence and fly above everyone... my lucidity fades away and I surrender in exhaustion. I wake up disappointed.
I feel the powerful vibrations and electric surges and I relax my mind into them. I think to myself, "I'm going to FLY!" and I jolt from my body and hover immediately above Eden and Erik. I move close to Eden and kiss her on the cheek, then punch Erik in the stomach playfully trying to get his attention so he can see me above him, but of course he doesn't wake and he doesn't move. Before I know it I am being carried away on some vertical current sweeping me high in the sky, and I watch Erik and Eden on the bed with total clarity, wondering how I can see through the ceiling so damn well. I know the uncomfortable sensations will pass soon and I will have entered another realm. I allow the transition with patience. I end up on the roof of some tall house in a golden, cloudy world. There are strangers all around me. I sense that I can engage with any of them and that their purpose here is to be there for me, if I'm interested in an interaction. The rest is a blur.
I woke myself up at some point and wished I hadn't. Eden kicked me in her sleep enough to continually disturb mine, but I kept entering dreams. In one,
I am examining a bowl of food, telling it to turn into spaghetti, and then macaroni, and then something else when I realize that if I have the power to do that I am dreaming! So I fly up into the sky and remember my next lucid dreaming intention, which is to have a meaningful interaction with another being like the Green Man from one of my previous experiences. All of the sudden I am in a house full of people. I go up to the very first person I can find, a middle aged woman with shoulder length hair and I stare her straight in the eye and say, "I am DREAMING. That means we can finally have a deep connection! Talk to me and tell me everything!" She looks at me blankly and I am profoundly disappointed by the lack of emotion and sincerity. I move on to the next group of people and say something similar, also receiving a similar reaction. I try with great intensity to maintain clarity and lucidity. I feel it fading in and out. I think of how so many of my lucid dreams have been about being superior than my dream characters, and before *I* have anything to say about it my dreaming self turns the dream into a game instead of the meaningful experience *I* was hoping for (note there are dual awarenesses present -- my waking consciousness along with my monkey-like lucid dreaming personality, which I am often frustrated and disappointed by). I fly into the sky above a soccer game, taunting the people below who can't fly (as usual). A fence is created around me, making it difficult to fly high, and people are climbing it to try and grab my ankles. It's the perfect lucid dreaming challenge. I have to focus immensely to fly high, but of course in the end I win and I make it out of the fence and fly above everyone... my lucidity fades away and I surrender in exhaustion. I wake up disappointed.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Mexican circus
Eden woke up at 5am saying "Cookies! Cake! Cookies! Cake!" I wished that she was just sleep talking, but unfortunately she was *up*. Thankfully, she went back to sleep around 6:30 and so did I.
The vibrations and electricity flood into me. The power and crystal clarity of consciousness overwhelm me. It's been a while. I think of how these sensations are so intense that with each moment I have to re-surrender, and re-accept that they are here. Each moment I am overwhelmed and each moment I have to relax myself into them, letting it flow through me like a breathing river. I can see the Mexican room with clarity. I see our Mexican blanket with a white horse and the lacy peach colored curtains. I fly into them and through the window, rolling around slowly. I am waiting ever so patiently for these sensations to calm down, knowing they will, and knowing I will be somewhere else soon. I find myself hovering above the Yelapa beach. It's another scorching hot day and the water looks divine, but there are clouds hovering above the waves. Clouds? What are they doing so low to the ground? Then the circus appears. It's a circus in the clouds! All amusement and entertainment. Why does this seem so familiar? Eden shuffles around in bed and her movements destroy the OBE. I'm back in my body, but the paralysis returns and I leave my body once again. I can't remember a thing from here.
The vibrations and electricity flood into me. The power and crystal clarity of consciousness overwhelm me. It's been a while. I think of how these sensations are so intense that with each moment I have to re-surrender, and re-accept that they are here. Each moment I am overwhelmed and each moment I have to relax myself into them, letting it flow through me like a breathing river. I can see the Mexican room with clarity. I see our Mexican blanket with a white horse and the lacy peach colored curtains. I fly into them and through the window, rolling around slowly. I am waiting ever so patiently for these sensations to calm down, knowing they will, and knowing I will be somewhere else soon. I find myself hovering above the Yelapa beach. It's another scorching hot day and the water looks divine, but there are clouds hovering above the waves. Clouds? What are they doing so low to the ground? Then the circus appears. It's a circus in the clouds! All amusement and entertainment. Why does this seem so familiar? Eden shuffles around in bed and her movements destroy the OBE. I'm back in my body, but the paralysis returns and I leave my body once again. I can't remember a thing from here.