in october i had a disturbing experience that i have no opinion on (as far as actuality). out of body experiences feel incredibly REAL, but it's a different kind of perception and a different kind of real. this always makes my day-time self feel less than 100% in confidence in the actuality of my experiences.
but while i'm there, there is no doubt.
four nights in a row the month of october i couldn't stop having out of body experiences. the following is the third:
i find myself awake inside my deeply sleeping body around 1am. i see through my eyelids how the wide moon is filling up our room with light through the skylight right above us. i'm on my back and am completely paralyzed from head to toe with a heaviness in my body that is pushing me down into the bed. the vibrations start and i feel swept away by them, out of control, sucked out of my body against my will.
my eyes slowly open and i realize that i am now hundreds of feet above my house in a spaceship. i know this without thinking and i don't have any emotion about it.
i'm laying on my back but i arch my head up enough to see that there are many (about 10 or 15?) gray aliens lined up against the wall, waiting, staring. in front of all of them, towards the left side of the table i'm laying on, is a hybrid alien. half human, half alien. the image of this creature turns my stomach, disturbs my psyche.
his light brown hair is sparse on the top of his head, forehead pronounced, crystal blue eyes bulging SO MUCH that even when he blinks, his eyelids never touch.
the most psychologically shocking part of this person/thing/alien in front of me is NOT that he is odd or strange. what is shocking my guts and core is that i RECOGNIZE him.
the moment of recognition, he tells me through his eyes "you cannot hide from me that you recognize me. you are completely transparent. you recognize me and i recognize that you do."
a strange longing couples onto my emotions of shock. i have known him for a very long time. i have been right here in this very spaceship many many times. no terror is felt and no anger.
i'm extremely lucid, extremely present, and i am aware that they do not have my body and that i can leave simply by waking myself up. my ritual for aborting an OBE is to count to 3 and focus on moving a finger. once i move one part of me, i can move the rest and sit up.
so i count to 3 and try to move, but nothing happens. i realize that they really have a grip on me. but my will is stronger. i count to 3 again and use all my focus and i force my body to wake. i wake up breathing fast and look to my right and there's erik, sleeping peacefully, and a really bright moon above us, beaming down.
i close my eyes for one second and am immediately sucked back into an energetic state where i am once again out of control. i feel myself calling to erik as if to say "erik don't let them take me again, please hold on to me!!" but i find myself in the spaceship again and am really frustrated this time. "it's too uncomfortable!" i tell them. "i'm sorry but i'm gonna go!" so i focus really hard again and count to 3. again it is VERY difficult to wake my body up, and it is NEVER this hard. the first time is a failure again. so is the second. but on the third try i wake my body up.
this time, i sit straight up in bed. i know that if i sit up in day-to-day consciousness for at least 3 minutes i'll eliminate the energetic vulnerability.
finally i snuggle as close to erik as possible and turn on my left side where i know i'm not belly-up and exposed, waiting to be taken.
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