Disney Showcase

12:52am this morning I woke myself up from the following out of body experience:

It begins with a dream --

I'm at an AA meeting with a bunch of total freaks. I'm judging them all. I end up laying on the ground on my back, and four men come and surround me by my feet, looking down. Suddenly I realize with 200% clarity that I am dreaming. I say, "I'm dreaming right now, aren't I?"

The four men non in unison. I ask, "What should I do?" and after no response, "Should I fly?"

Still, the four men don't say anything, they just watch. I'm still laying on the ground, on my back. During this intense period of lucidity, I don't feel comfortable with them towering over me. I try to visualize flying upward, towards the trees behind them. The moment I TRY, a very overpowering heaviness takes hold. I yell for 'HELP!' as I remembered reading from an OBE book that it's okay to ask for help and that someone will almost always show up to guide you.

Suddenly I'm swept from the dream scenario into the heaviness of my sleeping body, which is also laying on its back.

I now realize that I am about to leave my body. There are no vibrations or any other typical pre-projection sensations that I normally have some sort of control over. I simply feel taken from my body, as if on wind, and I do not sense a positive or negative energy behind the taking. I do not feel harmed or concerned about it either.

[In retrospect, I do believe there was someone or something that 'took' me. It is for this reason that I didn't experience vibrations or the like. Usually, it is the vibrations that help me out of my body, but I didn't need any help.]

Without any sense of stopping, I am swept from my body towards the windows of my bedroom. Visual clarity becomes clear and dull, clear and dull. But I can tell I'm heading out of the bedroom. When I pass through the wall, I desire to fully experience the power of the movement. I look at my hands. I feel a rush of movement at great speed, but I am not in control of this. My hands are emitting a gold light, and they do not (absolutely NOT) look like my physical hands. The fingers are very long and slender. I curl my fingers in at the sensation of great power. I become Power.

Suddenly I am inside the walls of an entirely different place. The walls have painted murals on them. The images are those that children would appreciate. There are disney characters and child-like illustrations. I am floating through this place out of my control. I'm curled onto my side, my fingers still curled in on my hands. I am just experiencing this place, as though I am being shown.

Immediately, I am thrust into another room. This room is similar, and I am still in the same awkward position, curled up just floating through. My visual clarity is unusually sharp, so sharp that I feel it must be important. I really get the sense that I am being shown this place. I try to burn the images into my mind so that I remember. There are thousands of bugs bunny type images, mostly black, and they appear to be sort of like stuffed animals, as opposed to the painted images of the other room. Characters from cartoons I used to watch as a child. Thousands of them.

I contemplate why I would be seeing this. A thought appears in my mind, 'These are from all the Disney images you've seen your whole life.'

I don't understand. This is the most meaningless and cheesy exercise. Why am I being shown Disney images that I have seen? What kind of realization can be had from this?

I do not like this anymore. I yell 'FUCK YOOOOOU' into the room. Simultaneous, with dual awareness, I sense that I am whispering 'FUCK YOOOOU' at my body. With great awareness and perception, I perceive Erik suddenly waking from the outburst. I also hear his breathing and feel the room with great detail. But I'm still most definitely in this Disney nightmare too.

I count to 3 and wake myself up. I lay on my back, moving my limbs every few seconds to prevent from getting sucked back in, replaying all of the ridiculous events over in my mind. My body is covered in sweat, and I did indeed wake Erik up.

Why did I yell 'Fuck you'? How spiritual is that? What kind of weird experience WAS this??

I die.

The following is not an out of body experience and it is not an lucid dream either. But it felt so real and is disturbing my waking self so significantly that I felt I should share it.

There's been an accident. I am at the morgue, standing next to my dead body. A person wearing white gloves zips up the bag all the way, and I am horrified. I don't want to be trapped. But I'm not, I'm here, outside of it, and it doesn't need to breathe anymore.

Suddenly I reconnect with my dead body, just to perceive what it would be like inside this closed bag -- to understand what it would be like to lay eternally inside a casket six feet under the ground. Now laying inside it, and not needing to breathe, I feel as light as a feather, and as at peace as a monk in a monastery. The peace inside this small enclosed space, deep under the ground is exquisite.

Instantly, I remove myself from that fantasy, and I am standing beside the dead body again. The worker unzips the bag again, because there is something else she needs to do with the body. I'm grateful, because I want to touch her. I feel a love so big for this girl that it causes my soul to weep. This was me, once. I will never be Laura Lee Graham again. Maybe I will reincarnate, maybe I will not, but I will never, not ever, have another day on Earth as Laura ever again.

I lean down and kiss her on the forehead. There is old blood on her head, but I don't care. Her forehead feels cold. But I loved her so much. I need to kiss her forehead so I can start letting go of this.

Then I grab a pen, and I sign my boring old flowery signature, my full name, around the feet of her body. I shake while I sign, and it looks like a battered version of the real thing, but it was also an act of romance. A ritual of acknowledging the end, and saying, 'Hey, I was here.'

Suddenly someone is beside me but I cannot see their face or anything of them. But I feel her -- and she must be made of the spirit world because she's the only one that sees me. I get the sense that she's going to walk me through this transition. She's just going to stay by my side.

Because I am aware that I am dead, and aware that I didn't instantly KNOW EVERYTHING, I am curious what death will be like, where I'll go, if there will be any rapture or any peace, if I might become something else or someone else, somewhere. Immediately I begin vibrating at a great frequency, and am drawn out deep into space, deep into the stars, back to the Source, into the heart of the Universe, and I know God.

This only lasts for a couple seconds when I decide that I am not ready to go there, and I return to the same place, standing next to my unseen guide.

She asks me what I wish they would to with the body -- embalm, bury, cremate, what? I tell her I want a green funeral. I want to be wrapped in cloth and placed in the earth under a tree in the woods. I don't want to be pumped with embalming chemicals and I don't want to be in a casket that protects me from the earth when it is the earth I want my atoms to become.

We watch aghast as my body gets embalmed and placed into a casket. We sort of laugh too, because it really doesn't matter anymore, at least not to me. I am simply Not There. I'm aware of the drama that must have unfolded in my family though. Erik knew I wanted a green funeral but I never told my parents, and we aren't married yet so they had the right to decide.

Now, my guide asks me, 'Where do you wish your things would go, to whom?' and I instantly think of my sister. I always said all my things would go to my sister, that she could have it all.

But then I thought of how awful that would be for her, to be burdened with all her dead sister's stuff. To have to sort through it while she grieved, and I instantly felt agony and sadness for her. I regretted that that was what I said my whole life. The pain seared through my heart, and I wept more and more.

Then my guide asked, 'What about Erik?'

and I remembered everything. I remembered the greatest love anyone could ever have and know. I remembered how he cared for me so well, and treated me better than I could have ever asked anyone to. I found myself saying to my guide, 'Ohh nooooo, ohhhh noooooo' over and over again. I was experiencing what my Erik was experiencing over this, and it had no name. But it was filled with pain and loss, wider than the Pacific Ocean.

And I knew, because I know him well, that he should have none of my stuff, because I wanted him to move on as soon as possible and live his life and start his family. I didn't want to keep him from it not for a moment.

All the while we are discussing this, I'm aware that no matter what my wishes and desires, the Earth people will make decisions without me. And I know it is time to go.

Granddad

November 11 2008, my grandfather died.

I felt very close to him, especially spiritually. Ever since he passed, I've been waiting for him to show up in lucid dreams and crossing my fingers for a visit during an out of body experience.

Several weeks ago I realized that months had passed and he had still not come. I realized that I needed to put more conscious intention into reaching out to him myself. I set out to have an out of body experience recently, when the time seemed right, and put a lot of intention into finding Granddad, but I slipped into a lucid-less dream instead and there was no sight of him.

Since then, I have been acknowledging that during my next OBE, my goal would be to find him.

This morning around 5am I woke up inside my sleeping body, unable to move. I heard the sounds of an intruder downstairs, rummaging through my purse. I wanted to turn to Erik and tell him there was an intruder, but when I tried to move I couldn't, so I realized that I was paralyzed and in pre-OBE mode.

I shook myself awake because it was still too dark out, and I stayed up until Erik left for work around 6:30am. I knew that I was setting myself up to have an OBE, but I didn't want to get too excited about it because I still needed some extra sleep considering I might start work today.

Around 7:30 I fell into a light sleep, and soon slipped into electric, vibrating mode. Instantly I thought of Granddad, and I began to execute the deep breathing that I have been enjoying so much in this state.

For the first time in my entire life, something close to rapture occurred during the paralysis state. I had still not left my body, but was floating inside it, deep breathing, when suddenly the room filled with Light and Love. I knew right away it was Granddad, and that this was his way of showing himself to me. I knew that I was receiving his Love, with each deep breath I took it in deep deep inside of my lungs and placed it in my heart.

More Astral Audio

This morning I woke early, around 6am, because Erik was getting up for work. I fell back asleep easily, or so I thought, when I found myself awake, hearing the achingly horrific moaning voice of a man in the shower. I could hear the shower running, and knew Erik was in there, and I wanted to get up immediately and run to him and see what happened. It sounded like he had been hurt terribly.

When I went to move, I realized that I was paralyzed, and it occurred to me that I was listening to Astral Audio, not physical audio. I was relieved that Erik was okay, but as I was still in this mind awake, body asleep state, I continued to hear the horrible moanings of a man in the shower. It wasn't Erik's voice at all.

Finally, I shook myself awake so I could go check on Erik, but the moment I woke up the sounds disappeared.

Soaring

i slept lightly this morning, very conscious while i was dreaming that i was feeling well slept and almost ready to wake. but my dreams during this time are vivid and easily lucid. the last cycle of REM is the most clear, logical, and long in duration.

at one point i began dreaming that i was soaring over top of a jungle that i recognized -- right above the Treehouse near Yelapa, Mexico where i spent the month of february. as i was soaring i became slightly lucid, right on the precipice of full lucidity, but what i was seeing was phenomenally vivid and striking. i knew where i was, and i felt strong emotion. i missed this place, and i was so happy to be back.

the colors and the warmth of the jungle are still with me now.