The Great Big Blue Eye

I woke up around 4am and wanted to take the time to think about my OBE intentions if I had the chance to project while falling back asleep. I considered everything, my newfound realization that there might be something valid about my experiences, and therefore that the spirits who come and throw me around the room sometimes or just stand by the bed and stare at me concerned me. But I decided that if anything negative came to me I would send it love and see if that helped, as it has once in the past. I did not want to swear or yell or be obnoxious.

I thought about wanting to know where my current back pain is coming from.

I thought about trying to engage with Mother Ayahuasca because I still feel her in me somehow.

I thought about the Green Man from one of my past lucid dreams who I still miss and ache to see again.

It took a while this time, because I was excited and anxious, but I knew I was dreaming immediately when a dream began...

I am instantly flying. I can't wait to tell Erik. I want him to come too.

Paralysis, awareness of my body, vibrations, yada yada yada. It's coming, it's all here, it's happening, and I'm not scared. It's light in the bedroom now. I feel totally safe.

So I project upward and fly straight through the ceiling. I fly through the Earth's atmosphere, but it looks a lot like the book I read to Eden last night before bed, and same as when I enter outer space. When I get to the blackness of space watching the twinkling stars, nothing above me, nothing below, I let out sounds of happiness and joy that I made it. It's a little obnoxious, but it's not the yelling/raging/swearing obnoxious essence of me I'm trying to exorcise.

Then I think of trying to find the negative entities that bother me sometimes, and immediately try and make that suggestion go away, and correct it with, I want to meet Mother Ayahuasca.

I am in instant blackness. A tiny blue eye appears in the center of this blackness. It gets closer and closer to me, or I am getting close and closer to it, I don't know, until this great big, visceral blue eye is taking up all that I can see in this scene... and I enter it. I remind myself not to resist, "Do not resist, let it take you" and I let it take me inside of it. I am in the great optical nerves of this eye and I keep going deeper until I am sitting in the center of its knowledge and then I know.

(but I don't get to keep what I know, I remember nothing)

I am back in my body, and the electricity is consuming me again. Normally I would try and stop the experience so I could sleep now, but I am choosing not to resist, I am choosing to respond. I am feeling unconditionally. So I begin separating from my body and floating upward and this time I feel hands on my body, but they are friendly hands, and while I feel vulnerable, I feel their loving intention. They are expressing total support of me on my quest. I don't know if it's healing or if it's just love and support, but it's sublime and I am glad they are there.

When I am out of my body, I have entered a lucid dream like state. Erik and Eden are playing on the bed. I fly toward Erik and gently tap his forehead with my big right toe. He laughs. It's great to have him respond because normally he's sleeping when I do something like that and now he finally sees me out of my body flying around! I land on the ground next to him and tell him he's handsome and we kiss. I am so happy to spend time with him here. 

Twice more I end up back in my body and project out again, and twice more I have dream like experiences with Erik, where we are happy and I can't get enough kisses. I can't recall every detail but all of it is good, especially that I did not resist any of the subsequent experiences no matter how tired I was. I needed to trust that what was happening needed to happen.

When it was all over and I was back in my body for the last time, it was still completely dark in the room at 6:15am. I wonder where all that gorgeous morning light came from?

I drifted back into unconscious sleep and dreamed and dreamed. And in one of the dreams I recalled a memory that may help me find the key to where my back pain is coming from. And I'm ready to face it.