i woke at 5:30 this morning to the sensation i can't seem to name -- the electric, vibrating paralysis.
immediately, i counted to 5 and shook myself awake. it was still dark out and i wasn't in the mood to face my fears.
i got up and walked around for a couple minutes to shake the state off of me and climbed back into bed.
soon after, i found myself vibrating again. this time i wanted to see how long i could handle it for, but i was disturbed when i felt the sensation of someone lightly touching my lower back. so i did the count and tried to sit up and shake the state off.
again, i sunk into the electric sensations, but this time i heard what i could only describe as morse code, and it wouldn't stop. so i forced myself to wake.
yet again, i found myself cataleptic. it was finally getting a little light out so i decided to try and actually leave my body and go to the Sacred Spot (at a local park), which has been my next conscious intention. i imagined leaving my body and began affirming "i am projecting/ i am floating." i began imagining the Sacred Spot in all its details, but i was still at the location of my body. frustrated and confused, i focused all my attention on the Sacred Spot, demanding to be there immediately. but i couldn't get out.
finally, i heard the sounds of a woman laughing, right in my ear. exhausted in surrender, i woke myself up.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Out of Body Meditation
*experience from 7:30am this morning*
after waking around 6am, reading, and allowing the morning light to enter my bedroom, i closed the book and my eyes and relaxed into the bed. in realizing the great success of yesterday's experience with coming up with 3 goals and accomplishing them, i tried to come up with what i wanted to accomplish in this experience. i decided to use the 'clarity now!' demand and deep breathing again, but to also find the man in the purple robe i saw in the consensus reality. i also fantasized about simply flying into my backyard and fly through the woods of Whatcom Falls Park, and even, fly and swim through the waterfalls.
i decided that whatever reality became available, i would embrace.
after relaxing for several minutes, i began to sense an electric tickle. at first i was reluctant to believe i was already ready to vibrate and make my exit, but i opened myself up to it and suddenly i was sinking into the bed, vibrating, and floating upward.
in the history of all my experiences i have NEVER reached this deep and focused and VERY SPECIFIC state, THAT FAST. i felt very excited about this, and witnessed a growing confidence in myself.
immediately i remembered to breathe deeply, and as i did so i felt my physical chest rise and fall in addition to my breathing double. yesterday morning i did not experience a dual awareness when i breathed. i was fascinated by having such a focused consciousness, and yet so deeply immersed in this entirely different brain wave and state.
i opened my astral eyes and saw something next to my bed that i didn't want to see, so i aborted the entire experience. i recognized the image immediately: it was made up of my own very personal imaginative substance. i can always tell when i have manifested a fear into an image, and when what i am looking at is a separately existing consciousness. it is simple to diagnose.
although i knew the image wasn't a real presence, i felt too scared to continue, counted to 5, etc.
after waking around 6am, reading, and allowing the morning light to enter my bedroom, i closed the book and my eyes and relaxed into the bed. in realizing the great success of yesterday's experience with coming up with 3 goals and accomplishing them, i tried to come up with what i wanted to accomplish in this experience. i decided to use the 'clarity now!' demand and deep breathing again, but to also find the man in the purple robe i saw in the consensus reality. i also fantasized about simply flying into my backyard and fly through the woods of Whatcom Falls Park, and even, fly and swim through the waterfalls.
i decided that whatever reality became available, i would embrace.
after relaxing for several minutes, i began to sense an electric tickle. at first i was reluctant to believe i was already ready to vibrate and make my exit, but i opened myself up to it and suddenly i was sinking into the bed, vibrating, and floating upward.
in the history of all my experiences i have NEVER reached this deep and focused and VERY SPECIFIC state, THAT FAST. i felt very excited about this, and witnessed a growing confidence in myself.
immediately i remembered to breathe deeply, and as i did so i felt my physical chest rise and fall in addition to my breathing double. yesterday morning i did not experience a dual awareness when i breathed. i was fascinated by having such a focused consciousness, and yet so deeply immersed in this entirely different brain wave and state.
i opened my astral eyes and saw something next to my bed that i didn't want to see, so i aborted the entire experience. i recognized the image immediately: it was made up of my own very personal imaginative substance. i can always tell when i have manifested a fear into an image, and when what i am looking at is a separately existing consciousness. it is simple to diagnose.
although i knew the image wasn't a real presence, i felt too scared to continue, counted to 5, etc.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Missions Accomplished!!
*out of body experiences and lucid dreams from 7:30 - 8:00am*
i woke at 6am and very consciously stayed up until it became dawn, so that i could attempt a positive out of body experience. i read the book 'Adventures Beyond the Body' by William Buhlman while i waited for some morning light to enter the room.
i decided i wanted to accomplish 3 things in this experience:
1) to demand clarity by forcefully stating "Clarity Now!" like the book suggests when you can't see very well.
2) attempt deep breathing to focus and maintain consciousness.
3) to visit my friend Carla, a fellow lucid dream traveler.
i closed my eyes around 7, and entered a vivid dream. within seconds, i become aware of my deep state, and bring awareness to my body. i feel myself gently sinking into the bed. i very consciously begin to breathe deeply, something i have NEVER done in OBEs because you don't need to breathe. the book suggests it to maintain focus and elongate the experience.
in breathing deeply, i find my day to day consciousness emerge. my personality. i no longer feel like my emotions and soulful desires are going to distract me from what i am setting out to do (which is a common problem in soul travelers attempting experiments --> their astral selves just want to fly around and explore)
i continue to deep breathe, and because i'm only feeling the sinking sensations, i ask for the vibrations to come, but softly. i begin to vibrate, the frequency is great but it doesn't feel like a violent earthquake. along with my deep breathing and maintained focus, i ask for the vibrations to speed up, and i tell myself "i am projecting out of body" -- immediately i leave my body, at light speed!
at this speed i should be in space by now, but i look and see that i am simply moving throughout the bedroom. i am moving in circles through the bedding, through the walls and the bed frame, aimlessly and skilllessly.
at this point i forget all about the deep breathing (i'm surprised i remember it as long as i did) BUT i DO remember to demand clarity! so i YELL, "CLARITY NOW!"
ten years ago, this demand did nothing for me. it was as though i could hear astral folk laughing that i thought i could control my astral blindness (which has been a problem for the last 10 years).
but this morning, after demanding it with incredible force, i could SEEEEEEEE EVERYTHING!! like never before!! there was incredible light INSIDE and OUTSIDE and there were potted plants INSIDE MY BEDROOM. they were bright orange flowers and they were well cared for, and i knew very well they didn't exist in the physical reality, but it made me love them even more! now i know what's REALLY in my bedroom, and it's beautiful.
i feel cured of my blindfold!! this was a moment to rejoice.
so i propel upward, directly into space, to celebrate.
at some points in this speed-of-light propulsion, i leave my astral body just to watch it from a point in consciousness. i see my astral body, drenched in colors changing from one to the next.
instantly, i find myself in a galaxy i haven't been to yet, and the planet i move past looks golden with brown swirls and tan clouds.
just as quickly as i discover this new place, i remember that i wanted to find Carla. i lift forward and head straight down down down, head first, back into Earth and down into Carla's world. there is black all around her, but she is dancing with her arms out wide open, smiling and looking right up at me heading face down from the sky. we hug because we finally found each other in the conscious level we both know so well. and then we kiss, and it's epic.
i find myself back in my room, and restore my lucidity by remembering that i am out of body and i may do what i wish.
i want to find people.
in 10 years of travel i have NOT met anyone other than my own demons and gray aliens, and i wanted to find the spiritual, consciously non-physical PEOPLE. i also decided that i wanted to find someone in the "consensus reality" as William Buhlman describe in his book. a consensus reality is one that is created by a group of people over centuries of belief in it, and a non-consensus reality is one that is thought-formed, immediately, by whomever is present.
i wanted to find a consensus reality because i wanted to go somewhere people already exist, all the time, without me.
instantly, i begin traveling throughout the house, and i move down towards the sun room and right outside the window is a man, looking up at me hovering in the room. he is white with dark brown hair, a beard and mustache, wearing a dark purple robe-like garment, but it's more like suede, and it only goes down to his knees. i know in seeing him, that he cares about me.
because this is my first encounter with a genuine soul, i suddenly feel shy and intimidated and brush right past him and soar to a hundred feet in the air.
as i move upward, i see that standing in the same plane of existence as the purple robed man are many other people, and i recognize them all by light that is shining from their heads from above. i become aware of medium size pools of water that ascends down, each with small waterfalls joining them. there is so much sunlight, and i feel very content here.
i know i am losing my focus and density in consciousness. i know that my out of body experience cannot last much longer.
so i decide to enter a lucid dream. i fly back up into my bedroom and visit the potted plants with orange flowers and bounce on top of the bed with my sleeping body in it. i yell, "I'M LUCID DREAMING, I'M LUCID DREAMING!" and i shapeshift into a ball and bounce down the stairs. i have become so very short now that i am simply a ball, that whenever i bounce down the stairs i perceive the stairs in an entirely new way. i do not like feeling so short!
but i continue to bounce, and i move through the dining room and yell again "I'm lucid dreaming, I'm lucid dreaming!" very happily bragging about it to whoever will listen.
i then realize i feel quite safe, and that it wouldn't be so bad to call out to the gray aliens in a lucid dream. i have never successfully called them over to me. they have only come when they feel like it.
i bounce through the living room and see that the hallway to my left is dark. the kitchen isn't very bright either, and great eyes in the shape of almonds begin to form in the center of the kitchen. i decide to abort this experiment, because i know i'm not ready to face this, and count to 5.
1, 2, 3, 4, FIVE!! and i wake myself up in bed. i lay on my back and went through all the details of my experience before getting up and posting this.
i woke at 6am and very consciously stayed up until it became dawn, so that i could attempt a positive out of body experience. i read the book 'Adventures Beyond the Body' by William Buhlman while i waited for some morning light to enter the room.
i decided i wanted to accomplish 3 things in this experience:
1) to demand clarity by forcefully stating "Clarity Now!" like the book suggests when you can't see very well.
2) attempt deep breathing to focus and maintain consciousness.
3) to visit my friend Carla, a fellow lucid dream traveler.
i closed my eyes around 7, and entered a vivid dream. within seconds, i become aware of my deep state, and bring awareness to my body. i feel myself gently sinking into the bed. i very consciously begin to breathe deeply, something i have NEVER done in OBEs because you don't need to breathe. the book suggests it to maintain focus and elongate the experience.
in breathing deeply, i find my day to day consciousness emerge. my personality. i no longer feel like my emotions and soulful desires are going to distract me from what i am setting out to do (which is a common problem in soul travelers attempting experiments --> their astral selves just want to fly around and explore)
i continue to deep breathe, and because i'm only feeling the sinking sensations, i ask for the vibrations to come, but softly. i begin to vibrate, the frequency is great but it doesn't feel like a violent earthquake. along with my deep breathing and maintained focus, i ask for the vibrations to speed up, and i tell myself "i am projecting out of body" -- immediately i leave my body, at light speed!
at this speed i should be in space by now, but i look and see that i am simply moving throughout the bedroom. i am moving in circles through the bedding, through the walls and the bed frame, aimlessly and skilllessly.
at this point i forget all about the deep breathing (i'm surprised i remember it as long as i did) BUT i DO remember to demand clarity! so i YELL, "CLARITY NOW!"
ten years ago, this demand did nothing for me. it was as though i could hear astral folk laughing that i thought i could control my astral blindness (which has been a problem for the last 10 years).
but this morning, after demanding it with incredible force, i could SEEEEEEEE EVERYTHING!! like never before!! there was incredible light INSIDE and OUTSIDE and there were potted plants INSIDE MY BEDROOM. they were bright orange flowers and they were well cared for, and i knew very well they didn't exist in the physical reality, but it made me love them even more! now i know what's REALLY in my bedroom, and it's beautiful.
i feel cured of my blindfold!! this was a moment to rejoice.
so i propel upward, directly into space, to celebrate.
at some points in this speed-of-light propulsion, i leave my astral body just to watch it from a point in consciousness. i see my astral body, drenched in colors changing from one to the next.
instantly, i find myself in a galaxy i haven't been to yet, and the planet i move past looks golden with brown swirls and tan clouds.
just as quickly as i discover this new place, i remember that i wanted to find Carla. i lift forward and head straight down down down, head first, back into Earth and down into Carla's world. there is black all around her, but she is dancing with her arms out wide open, smiling and looking right up at me heading face down from the sky. we hug because we finally found each other in the conscious level we both know so well. and then we kiss, and it's epic.
i find myself back in my room, and restore my lucidity by remembering that i am out of body and i may do what i wish.
i want to find people.
in 10 years of travel i have NOT met anyone other than my own demons and gray aliens, and i wanted to find the spiritual, consciously non-physical PEOPLE. i also decided that i wanted to find someone in the "consensus reality" as William Buhlman describe in his book. a consensus reality is one that is created by a group of people over centuries of belief in it, and a non-consensus reality is one that is thought-formed, immediately, by whomever is present.
i wanted to find a consensus reality because i wanted to go somewhere people already exist, all the time, without me.
instantly, i begin traveling throughout the house, and i move down towards the sun room and right outside the window is a man, looking up at me hovering in the room. he is white with dark brown hair, a beard and mustache, wearing a dark purple robe-like garment, but it's more like suede, and it only goes down to his knees. i know in seeing him, that he cares about me.
because this is my first encounter with a genuine soul, i suddenly feel shy and intimidated and brush right past him and soar to a hundred feet in the air.
as i move upward, i see that standing in the same plane of existence as the purple robed man are many other people, and i recognize them all by light that is shining from their heads from above. i become aware of medium size pools of water that ascends down, each with small waterfalls joining them. there is so much sunlight, and i feel very content here.
i know i am losing my focus and density in consciousness. i know that my out of body experience cannot last much longer.
so i decide to enter a lucid dream. i fly back up into my bedroom and visit the potted plants with orange flowers and bounce on top of the bed with my sleeping body in it. i yell, "I'M LUCID DREAMING, I'M LUCID DREAMING!" and i shapeshift into a ball and bounce down the stairs. i have become so very short now that i am simply a ball, that whenever i bounce down the stairs i perceive the stairs in an entirely new way. i do not like feeling so short!
but i continue to bounce, and i move through the dining room and yell again "I'm lucid dreaming, I'm lucid dreaming!" very happily bragging about it to whoever will listen.
i then realize i feel quite safe, and that it wouldn't be so bad to call out to the gray aliens in a lucid dream. i have never successfully called them over to me. they have only come when they feel like it.
i bounce through the living room and see that the hallway to my left is dark. the kitchen isn't very bright either, and great eyes in the shape of almonds begin to form in the center of the kitchen. i decide to abort this experiment, because i know i'm not ready to face this, and count to 5.
1, 2, 3, 4, FIVE!! and i wake myself up in bed. i lay on my back and went through all the details of my experience before getting up and posting this.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Bzzzz
the moon was outrageously bright last night, and i went to bed wide awake feeling fear. whenever the moon is full, its light shines through our skylight and brightly through the windows, lighting up our whole room. i know not to sleep on my back when the moon is full, because i always wake up unable to move, buzzing and electric; the moon will suck me out of my body.
i kept tossing and turning, switching sides. didn't make a difference. around 2am i finally drifted, and entered into hypnopompic imagery. there in the center of our bed was a gray alien, just staring. it looked different than i expected, and seemed to have some kind of patch over its right eye.
i pointed at it and yelled 'i KNEW you were going to come' or something like it, i honestly don't remember.
then my awareness came back to my body, and i couldn't move, pulsating electric. i was frustrated, and didn't want to leave my body. so i counted to 5 and woke myself up. i didn't move my body enough when i was awake so i just sank right back into the paralysis state. this repeated several times, when i finally forced myself to sit up and change positions. i laid on my back, thinking it would be for only a minute to just think and be awake, but i fell, like falling off a cliff, right back into the sinking, buzzing, vibrating electric state.
i was fucking frustrated. i can't describe it, and how many times this same scenario has happened. i never leave my body in the dead of night.
i kept tossing and turning, switching sides. didn't make a difference. around 2am i finally drifted, and entered into hypnopompic imagery. there in the center of our bed was a gray alien, just staring. it looked different than i expected, and seemed to have some kind of patch over its right eye.
i pointed at it and yelled 'i KNEW you were going to come' or something like it, i honestly don't remember.
then my awareness came back to my body, and i couldn't move, pulsating electric. i was frustrated, and didn't want to leave my body. so i counted to 5 and woke myself up. i didn't move my body enough when i was awake so i just sank right back into the paralysis state. this repeated several times, when i finally forced myself to sit up and change positions. i laid on my back, thinking it would be for only a minute to just think and be awake, but i fell, like falling off a cliff, right back into the sinking, buzzing, vibrating electric state.
i was fucking frustrated. i can't describe it, and how many times this same scenario has happened. i never leave my body in the dead of night.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Owls and Rainbow Worlds
*out of body experiences from the morning of March 8*
after sleeping for an hour, i woke a little after midnight, shaken awake by nightmares of menacing owls hiding in shadows, coming to take me away. as i lay i fell back into a the sleep state, but my mind stayed awake. immediately i began vibrating electric, paralyzed on my back, erik sleeping beside me.
i knew i was vulnerable to what i was afraid of most that night. visitors with big black eyes. i felt them above our house, waiting. i heard the humming of a spaceship, something i never heard before.
i quickly woke myself up by counting to 5. it was easy. no problems.
i was stunned to find that i could still hear a humming from above the house. it's a sound i have literally never heard before, but i was wide awake in this moment. moving my body, sitting up straight, slapping myself in the face, i knew i was not in an energetic state.
the sound faded away into the night. suddenly, erik's body heaved and twitched and the humming sound began with it, almost as if it caused him to jerk his body. then it was gone, and erik was still asleep.
in the morning, i woke early to erik's movements. i read a book for about half an hour and he left for work. i lay and tried to have an OBE; i could feel that i was inches from that deep state as i had just left it very recently.
sure enough, i began to feel the sensation of sinking into the bed, as if something heavy was pushing down on my body. i couldn't move, and i felt electric.
i began floating to the ceiling, and i went right through it, still laying horizontal. as soon as i got past the roof, i lay my body down, my back right on the skylight above our bed. the sky was full of sunshine, and i could feel it shining through the trees to my right even though i didn't look over there.
i wanted to project into an astral realm, so i imagined the rainbow world i once visited in a lucid dream when i was 12. suddenly i was sliding down the curve of a rainbow with a cloud at the end. it didn't illicit the same kind of rapture as the other world i'd been too. i was in an uninspired, imagined world. suddenly i heard a door slam, so i woke.
after sleeping for an hour, i woke a little after midnight, shaken awake by nightmares of menacing owls hiding in shadows, coming to take me away. as i lay i fell back into a the sleep state, but my mind stayed awake. immediately i began vibrating electric, paralyzed on my back, erik sleeping beside me.
i knew i was vulnerable to what i was afraid of most that night. visitors with big black eyes. i felt them above our house, waiting. i heard the humming of a spaceship, something i never heard before.
i quickly woke myself up by counting to 5. it was easy. no problems.
i was stunned to find that i could still hear a humming from above the house. it's a sound i have literally never heard before, but i was wide awake in this moment. moving my body, sitting up straight, slapping myself in the face, i knew i was not in an energetic state.
the sound faded away into the night. suddenly, erik's body heaved and twitched and the humming sound began with it, almost as if it caused him to jerk his body. then it was gone, and erik was still asleep.
in the morning, i woke early to erik's movements. i read a book for about half an hour and he left for work. i lay and tried to have an OBE; i could feel that i was inches from that deep state as i had just left it very recently.
sure enough, i began to feel the sensation of sinking into the bed, as if something heavy was pushing down on my body. i couldn't move, and i felt electric.
i began floating to the ceiling, and i went right through it, still laying horizontal. as soon as i got past the roof, i lay my body down, my back right on the skylight above our bed. the sky was full of sunshine, and i could feel it shining through the trees to my right even though i didn't look over there.
i wanted to project into an astral realm, so i imagined the rainbow world i once visited in a lucid dream when i was 12. suddenly i was sliding down the curve of a rainbow with a cloud at the end. it didn't illicit the same kind of rapture as the other world i'd been too. i was in an uninspired, imagined world. suddenly i heard a door slam, so i woke.