Meeting "God", the Comet

The following took place before my Star dream on the morning of October 4th while Erik and I stayed in a hotel on San Juan Island:

I'm laying on my back and I feel the tingling electricity in my fingers and toes. It spreads like wildfire and I am officially paralyzed, ready for an out of body experience.

It is dark out, but since my recent out of body victory over my fears of leaving in the dark, I haven't resisted an experience. So I imagine myself floating upward and out.

Nothing happens. I'm still in my body, and I am stuck. Suddenly, there are hands around my ankles and they are pulling me with great force. I don't like this. I revert back to my old ways of assuming every presence is malicious when it's dark, and I immediately abort the experience.

Soon after a few moments of full body wakefulness, I find myself tingling and electric all over again. This time, I decide not to abort, no matter what. I can see the hotel room with vivid clarity. I feel great. Again, I cannot get myself to float upward and out, but I decide to try Robert Monroe's favorite rolling-out method, which I have never even attempted. At first I doubt that I have succeeded, but I look down and I am standing on the floor next to the bed.

I immediately shoot through the roof and into the night sky. Once in space, I remember what my next goal was set to be; I call out, "What is God?".

Before I have time to imagine what may come, a bright blueish white comet burst into my view from the right and turns toward my direction. I know that this is to be my representation of God. As it soars directly at me and gets closer and brighter, I brace myself for its contact.

The comet explodes into my being and I lose all physical sense of self. I am afraid for my lungs at the hotel in bed because I cannot breathe anymore. An enormous wave of bliss shoots into my core. I feel myself rendered helpless to its power. I allow it to move into me and out of me, like a channel. In and out, and then it's gone.

I have had a lot of unexpected things come up since I found out I was pregnant. Recently, I have found myself feeling spiritually lost. I may have frequent out of body experiences, but unlike many of us, I do not 100% believe that they are authentic, in that, I am not convinced that it is nothing more than an unusual function of the brain, like dreaming.

I haven't always been 'faithless,' in fact, I was hungrily spiritual as a child and forced my parents to take me to Sunday School. To my heart's dismay, when I grew a brain around 12, I began questioning everything I believed. I explored other religions, and Wicca/Paganism became my new practice and belief system. One thing I could not get past, however, was the idea of all these gods and goddesses. As beautiful and extraordinary the ideas were, I could not get myself to pray to any specific god or goddess and feel a connection. In fact, during my very first out of body experience, I felt terror, prayed for the goddess to help me, and no benevolent energy was felt. I had to pull myself out.

As an young adult, science became my spiritual inspiration. I was convinced that cellular biology was a study that could enlighten anyone to understand how all animated beings are united. Then, of course, I followed the quantum physics/co-creator movement with undulating passion.

My next spiritual movement began with a mushroom trip. Since that day, I have had around ten life-changing psychedelic trips and one acid trip that have permanently touched me deeper than the deepest of all life experiences. I could romanticize about these experiences poetically until you think I am the cheesiest of cheesy people alive. I'll try and refrain in an attempt to summarize my over-illustrated reasoning.

Becoming pregnant, I turned to Paganism once again for some kind of spiritual guidance. But I hit the same wall as I did at the age of 13; I cannot get myself to believe in any "God", let alone multiple gods and goddesses. This religion is the closest to my belief system in that it worships Nature. This is the closest I can come to finding a system that I can practice ritualistically for my own well being, yet I am stuck, and again feeling lost.

I've had a lot to think about. Making this last OBE a goal to find God is for these reasons, but I am still unsatisfied. I suppose the searching will need to be done in my day to day reality, because OBEs just leave me feeling more mystified than ever.